Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig is fretting that the 2008 baseball season, which kicked off on March 31, is imperiled thanks a directive from FEMA.
According to a highly placed source in the commissioner’s office, FEMA has insisted that all thirty ballparks in America be prepared to double as evacuation or triage centers in case of natural or terrorist-derived disaster. Such preparation has included devoting storage space for first aid and disaster-relief supplies.
“The problem,” the source reported, “was FEMA’s insistence that all stadiums have domes, keeping the elements out so the thousands of refugees could be protected. They seem to think these can be bought off the shelf and installed like a new garage door.”
Instead, the architectural planning alone was estimated to cost $15 million, a cost to be borne by MLB. If plans were to proceed, the Federal Government would pay for most, but not all, the work to be done.
“Those jokers seem to think these ‘enhancements’ would actually drive up attendance so the owners are expected to kick in money for completion,” the source continued.
Should the Department of Homeland Security prevail, the season could be seriously disrupted as engineers, architects and members of the department clamber around all the stadiums, readying them for retrofitting.
Meantime, baseball schedulers are frantically attempting to figure out how to maximize games to be played in the few stadiums already domed. Morning-Day-Night triple-headers have not been ruled out, the source added.
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