Highly Placed Sources

Aromatherapy, Make Way for “Erototherapy”

You’re a single woman in a stressful job, and you decide to treat yourself to lunch hour at the spa. You’re led into a cozy and dimly lit room heavy with the scent of peppermint and eucalyptus. The massage table in the center of the room beckons you and you disrobe and lay down, covering [...]

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Tiger Woods to Play by Himself?

Tiger Wood’s opponents are ready to throw down their clubs. According to a source in the PGA president’s office, a clandestine meeting of a majority of professional golfers was held in the Middle East mere hours after Woods’ six birdies clinched him a one-stroke win. The source would not say who organized the meeting but ithe [...]

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2008 Baseball Season Threatened

Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig is fretting that the 2008 baseball season, which kicked off on March 31, is imperiled thanks a directive from FEMA. According to a highly placed source in the commissioner’s office, FEMA has insisted that all thirty ballparks in America be prepared to double as evacuation or triage centers in case of [...]

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I Want the New Drug

Sources in the office of Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig are saying the Mitchell report on steroid use in the MLB could not have come at a better time. Ninety past and present players are mentioned in the report, and with that many stories to chase down the sports media has until now overlooked [...]

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NASCAR Drivers to Burn Shoe Leather

Taking a lap around the racetrack is nothing new for NASCAR drivers, but how many have done it without a car? In a special NASCAR charity event to be held before a race “most likely somewhere in the south” one of the organizers said, all the participating drivers will race each other around the track on [...]

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